Rude Doctors

To counter the hierarchical power struggle that exists in healthcare, go out of your way to level the playing field. You do this by finding opportunities to make everyone on the healthcare team feel as though they matter, that their opinion counts, and that they are equally valuable to the delivery of patient care.

How to Deal With an Arrogant Doctor

Many of us have encountered an arrogant or egotistical healthcare provider. They come across as mightier-than-thou, and seem brusque, superior or conceited, as if we are supposed to feel lucky to be in this person’s presence, or fearful enough that we had better not cross him.

When we aren’t feeling well, which of course is the reason we are visiting this individual, facing such a big personality may leave us feeling intimidated, angry, frustrated, or a host of other negative emotions, none of which is helpful for improving our health.

Confidence and self-assurance are good traits for a healthcare provider. We want to know that our healthcare providers are confident about their work and are positive about their abilities to help us. But wise patients understand that there is no room for arrogance, narcissism or condescension from egotistical medical professionals. Their lack of respect for our needs and their difficult personalities will inhibit the partnership we need to develop, and we won’t get the care we need from them.

Here are some ideas for understanding and dealing with difficult healthcare providers.

A Large Ego Is a Cover-Up

Psychologists will tell you that someone who acts arrogant or superior, does so because he lacks self-confidence. Instead of truly feeling superior, he instead, truly feels inferior. So he’ll use intimidation, or act conceited to cover up that lack of self-esteem. In the schoolyard, this healthcare provider was a bully. In a medical setting, that bully’s intimidation takes the form of arrogance.

This healthcare provider has spent a lifetime with his personality and you won’t be able to change it. Therefore, your choices are to either learn to work around it or to find another healthcare provider.

How do you know which approach to take? You’ll want to assess the importance of this particular healthcare provider to your health. Will this be a short-term relationship or a long-term one? Does this healthcare provider have special knowledge or abilities that others do not? Or are there other healthcare providers who are available to help you so you don’t have to put up with this one?

Become familiar with the steps for finding a new healthcare provider before you simply fire Dr. Arrogant. While we would love to tell you just to find another healthcare provider, that is much easier said than done in primary care, and some specialties.

How to Develop a Working Relationship

If you decide to stay with this healthcare provider ​or believe you’ll be able to establish a relationship, here are some steps to take to diminish the effects of the difficult aspects of his personality:

• First, understand that not only would this individual deny he is egotistical, he would also deny that he is a bully or has an inferiority complex. In truth, he has developed that personality because it serves his purposes; people are so intimidated that they don’t try to get to know him any better. He doesn’t want to be pleasant, friendly or kind because then people would discover just how inferior he is.
• Know he doesn’t want to be friendly, so don’t try to make him your friend. Your goal will simply be to take those intimidating edges out of the relationship so you can get the help you need.
• Recognize that his difficult personality is not a true reflection of his abilities as a healthcare provider. He may, or may not, be a good healthcare provider who’s able to meet your medical needs. He may come across as the best surgeon/cardiologist/or any other “gist” there is, and maybe he is. But maybe he is not. You’ll need to work to discover whether he can truly help you, or whether his arrogance is covering up weaknesses in his abilities.
• Ironically, it may be that this healthcare provider’s inferiority complex actually works in your favor. If you have a difficult illness or puzzling symptoms, and he can help you or solve your diagnosis mystery, that “proves” his superiority. His success as your healthcare provider helps him get beyond his feelings of inferiority.
• Remember, though, that communication between the two of you is critical, so be sure that his ego doesn’t inhibit your ability to communicate about the important aspects of your illness or condition.
• This healthcare provider will think that everything he tells you is the best answer. When it comes to asking smart questions, or sharing information you’ve learned about your condition, know that Dr. Arrogant may resist the discussion, ignore you, or get angry. If that happens, smooth out the conversation by stating that you understand what he’s explained to you, and that he can create a win-win for both of you by explaining this additional information. Don’t be intimidated out of the conversation! But know that you’ll have to approach this difficult person differently to step around his ego.
• If you run into a problem with your treatment (for example, the drug he prescribed doesn’t work well), then make sure you state the problem as objectively as you can. An intimidator may try to make it sound as if the fault lies with you, the patient. Telling him you are having a problem will sound to him as if you are accusing him of making a mistake, so you’ll have to smooth those edges, too.

The most important aspect of the relationship with this healthcare provider is that you will have to work hard to be sure you can ask the questions you need to ask, get the answers you need to have, and get the attention and service you deserve.

Recent studies have shown a correlation between arrogance, obnoxiousness, and medical errors. Once you’re feeling better or stronger, you may choose to take a role in removing these types of egos from the profession of medicine. If so, there are places to report bad provider behavior with the goal of improving that behavior or removing that ego from the practice of medicine.

Frequently Asked Questions

If you deal with a rude doctor, ask yourself if it’s still possible to build a working relationship with them. Nobody expects you to become friends, but the doctor should be able to effectively communicate their thoughts and findings about your health. If a doctor’s behavior makes communication difficult, and you can’t foresee a way to resolve it through a conversation, then it may be time to look for a different healthcare provider.

One example of being arrogant is a professional athlete who refuses to speak to their fans because they believe themselves to be far superior. Another example can be a doctor who acts superior to their patients because they are confident that they possess greater intelligence.

While they are similar, egotistical and arrogant have slightly different meanings. Egotism refers to a person who is self-centered and consistently talks or writes about themselves first and foremost. Arrogance is when a person shows a sense of pride or entitlement that can be accompanied by looking down on others.

Verywell Health uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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By Trisha Torrey
Trisha Torrey is a patient empowerment and advocacy consultant. She has written several books about patient advocacy and how to best navigate the healthcare system.

How To Deal With Disruptive, Rude Physicians

When I was a new nurse, I was scared of Dr. Rothschild. He had the arrogance of Steve Jobs and since I was a brand new, shy, and insecure nurse, he intimidated the heck out of me. I prayed everyday that I wouldn’t be assigned one of his patients. He was notoriously known for being rude, condescending, and intimidating towards nurses and his interns. For months, I avoided him. However, one day, I was called into my patient’s room. Thinking it was the patient who needed something, I casually strolled into room 12. Dr. Rothschild was standing there with his interns waiting for me. He was the one who summoned me. In a sharp tone, he asked me why HIS patient was still in bed. I immediately felt a surge of hydrochloric acid well up in my stomach and lost my peripheral vision for a moment. I seriously didn’t think I could produce sound but what came out sealed my death. I replied, “He is on bed rest.” Immediately Dr. Rothschild told me to wait there, left the room, but then stormed back in a few minutes later carrying the patient’s chart. He opened it and with his pen underlined HIS order, “Get patient OOB (out of bed),” which was written earlier that morning. After the incident, I had a visceral reaction and spent the next 15 minutes in the bathroom.

My encounter with Dr. Rothschild affected me for a long, long time. But think about the impact his behavior had on my ability to care for the rest of my patients – the rest of my shift. Was I able to think, manage information, and make good decisions after that? Was I able to critically think, problem solve or communicate effectively? Heck no. I just kept replaying that scene over and over again in my brain. His rudeness affected my performance.

Rinse and repeat this situation over and over again in our current healthcare environments. Make no mistake about it. Rudeness is impacting patients and your ability to cultivate a healthy workforce.

According to Amir Erez’s study on rudeness on medical teams, a rude comment by a physician decreases the performance among other doctors and nurses by more than 50%. What he found was that rudeness “damages your ability to think, manage information, and make decisions.”

The study also suggests that rudeness may contribute to many of the preventable deaths caused by medical error in US hospitals.

Mild incivility and rudeness towards a member of the healthcare team can have profound, if not devastating, effects on patient care. Because, rudeness interferes with working memory.

Physicians who treat nurses with disrespect endanger the very patients they profess to protect. Yet, we frequently ignore, justify, or rationalize rude physicians by saying things like…

“Just ignore her like everyone else does”

“He is beastly on a good day.”

“She’s a great physician but don’t get on her bad side.”

“He’s untouchable because he brings a ton of money to the organization.”

Sometimes, we go so far as to warn new nurses about certain physicians. I remember when I was a new neuro nurse and my coworkers warned me about a certain neurosurgeon who rounded early in the morning. This surgeon would “rip you a new one” if he arrived on the unit and his patient wasn’t sitting in a chair – at 6am. Trust me. I experienced his wrath once. That was enough for me!

When I complained to my boss, she blew me off and said, “Don’t take it personally. Just ignore him. He’s a really great surgeon.”

We need to do better

Studies show that safer patient care and healthier work environments occur when the healthcare team is trained and empowered in teamwork skills. It’s about the team – not a person or a role.

So, what can we do?

If you’re a nurse

I admit that sometimes physicians intimidate me too, especially if they aren’t overtly warm and fuzzy. However, I’ve learned to articulate my value as a professional nurse by communicating in a way that reinforces collaborative practice with all members of the healthcare team. We each bring something unique to the team.

I spoke with a manager recently about a situation where a physician was very rude and condescending towards her new nurse. The new nurse complained to this manager who then talked to the physician. She asked the physician to apologize to her nurse. He did but then the new nurse said this, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” NOOOOOOOOOO!!

• If you’re a nurse and a physician apologizes to you, say this, “Thank you for apologizing to me.” When you say this, it reinforces that it’s unacceptable for anyone on the team to communicate in a disrespectful manner. It doesn’t matter who the person is or what the person does.
• If a physician is yelling, criticizing, or being very condescending to you, especially in front of others, say this: “It’s not okay the way you’re speaking to me right now.”
• If you witness a physician being rude, condescending, or is overtly criticizing a coworker, interrupt and say, “Excuse me. The way you’re communicating with him (her) is not okay.”

Speak up and set the intention that you and everyone on the healthcare team expect to be treated with respect.

If you’re a physician

To counter the hierarchical power struggle that exists in healthcare, go out of your way to level the playing field. You do this by finding opportunities to make everyone on the healthcare team feel as though they matter, that their opinion counts, and that they are equally valuable to the delivery of patient care.

• When a nurse calls you at 2 o’clock in the morning and starts the conversation with, “I’m sorry to bother you…” Say this, “Please don’t apologize. If she was my mother, I’d want you to call me…”
• Knowing that nurses might be fearful to let you know they think you’re making a mistake, say this…” “I’m the primary physician responsible for this patient…please tell me if you find me making a mistake.”
• When rounding on patients, introduce yourself to everyone on the team. Shake hands and ask for names. When rounds are over, thank everyone for their input.

Imagine if Dr. Rothschild would have approached the situation with genuine respect and intent to help me deliver the best possible care to his patient. He could have introduced himself to me and asked for my name. He could have asked if I saw his order yet and that he really wanted his patient to get out of bed early. He could have explained his reason. He could have…he could have…he could have…but he didn’t.

Cultivating a respectful, professional, and collaborative workforce culture is possible when we all stop tolerating disrespectful, rude, and disruptive behaviors from EVERYONE on the team. Even physicians.

I’d love to read your comments about this topic and perhaps any success stories you’ve had when addressing rude, disrespectful physicians.

The Healthy Workforce Institute is eradicating bullying and incivility in healthcare organizations. Let’s stay connected by clicking below.